Minutes from the 76th Collins Family Reunion

Three score and 14 years ago or so, our forebearers brought forth upon this little portion of the continent, a new annual gathering, conceived in the finest tradition of excessive eating, and dedicated to the proposition that when you get 50 to 100 Collinses in front of a buffet, all dishes, hot, cold, deep fried or otherwise, are consumed equally.

Last year, the Collins family was engaged in said annual gathering on September 13, testing whether this reunion, or any other reunion so conceived and dedicated, can have enough food to satisfy about 100 revved-up appetites.  Following the culinary spectacle, the family gathered in the great sanctuary of Goshen Baptist, to deliberate on the proceedings of the previous year, creating a post-lunch resting place for those too sluggish to be active otherwise.

Thus, David Mueller, opened the annual business meeting in orderly fashion with an opening hymn, Victory in Jesus, competently accompanied by Anna Lee Moss.  The invocation was offered by Ronnie Moss, who must have done well enough as he wasn’t struck down on the spot.  A glutton for punishment, President Mueller demanded that the assembled attempt another hymn before getting on with the business at hand.  Again, all survived the labored rendition Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

Following, President Mueller gave his inaugural address in which the following personal items were revealed:

1)      In a nod to the absolute critical nature of the office he now holds, the president failed to remember that he was actually elected president in the year previous.

2)      That the president was only reminded of same when he discovered execution of the grave duties of his office would coincide with the same weekend as the Georgia/South Carolina game

3)      That he was, in fact, from a northern state and thus as far as we knew was the first natural Yankee to be elected to the position of family president.  Upon this revelation, the assembly’s collective jaw fell slack and agape.

Having bared his soul to the assembled, President Mueller attempted to fall upon his own sword by offering to draw up impeachment documents and moderate a brief discussion on the many meanings of the word “is”, but everyone knew better than to take that bait.

Following all that, Secretary Wayne Collins attempted a reading of the minutes from the previous year’s business meeting, escaping almost unscathed and with relatively little bloodshed.

President Mueller again took the reigns of the meeting, thanking John Bennett for once again overseeing the aesthetic disposition of the Collins family cemetery, announcing that it was in his judgment “quite attractive and well-manicured.”  Fortunately, the meeting quickly moved ahead lest the president start handing out brochures and selling plots.

Thus began the business of the lists:

There were several admirable attempts to at least keep the population at replacement levels.  They were:

·         Caleb Riley Moss, born to Tanya Moss and Leonel Balle on April 21.

·         Alice Hensley Wise, born to Joseph Collins Wise and Allison Waters Wise on May 1, 2009

·         Klara Regina Collins, born to Wayne Collins and Hanna Dymarska Collins on July 10, 2009.

We were saddened to report the death of Suzy D. Collins Eaton on July 27, 2009.

Those who entered in the bonds of marital bliss in the year previous were:

• James Penland Wise, son of Douglas and the late Sandra Henley Wise, to Elizabeth Blount in Gulfport MS on January 9, 2009
• Tanya Collins, daughter of Sonny and Cynthia Collins, to Shane Maxwell in Ft. Myers, FL on May 23.
• There were again no cohabitators as we could tell, or at least they weren’t speaking up.

First timers to the meeting were Lee Rodriguez and Klara Collins.

The naming of the most seasoned member of the family descended into controversy, with Sarah Sue Cleghorn again being accused of hauling around the most age of anyone. She immediately protested.  Howard Collins spoke up with the unlikely claim that he was in fact born in 1820 and should be awarded the title.  However a quick check of facts with Aunt Marie revealed that he was in fact only 89 years old and thus disqualified for being too young and spry.  Silas Collins left the room to avoid being targeted as oldest at 92 years.  The matter was settled however when it was revealed that Pearl Bennett was pushing 100 years young, and thus retained the title for another year.

Considerably less drama ensued with naming of Klara Collins as the youngest member in attendance at 2 months old, probably because she harbored no opinion on the matter, and besides, she couldn’t say very much about it anyway.

The farthest traveled stayed with Sonny and Cynthia Collins, who drove all the way from Nashville Tennessee to join the festivities.  Pleased at the accomplishment for 3^rd consecutive year, Cyndi announced that they were not above moving to Montana if that was what it took to retain the title.

In a move to boost the treasury coffers, Janet Collins Mueller announced that pictures from the reunion and otherwise would be available on CD for the low, low price of just $10 if you act now, because supplies are limited and this offer won’t last long. Sonny Collins spoke and solicited pictures from everyone for inclusion, and that they should be sent to Jim Collins, who was apparently going to create the CD, whether he knew it or not. For reasons not entirely understood, all of that was mangled into the form of a motion somehow and approved.

The report on the day-before dinner at Williams Brothers Barbeque in Canton recorded 23 early-birds in attendance.  There was a movement among the assembled to move the event to another location nearby, and leave Williams Brothers as the backup in case an eating emergency of some nature should arise.  This motion was posited and approved, with the burdensome task of researching a new location placed squarely upon the head of Sarah Sue Cleghorn.

Another idea pushed by the president was the resurrection of colored name tags to identify the progenitors of each family member. A challenge was issued to all to move your conversations beyond the immediate family to the wider world of familial interactions you don’t get every day.  Thus will all of our live be enriched, or something to that effect.

Thus with that admonition, and a Carpetbaggers confidence, President Mueller declared his first meeting a success, and with the traditional rendition of Blest be the Tie, the 75^th Collins family reunion adjourned.