As is already well-known, God created the heavens and the earth and all things contained within in seven days, the last of which he took a well-deserved rest. Had there been an eighth day, one might surmise that God, feeling a bit peckish after all that, would have created the Collins family reunion. The scriptures then might have recorded that “Fried chicken and casseroles he created them, and then God said ‘Let’s eat’, and he pronounced it was all real good.”
Such theological musings were not on the agenda of the 74rd annual Collins Family Reunion, held September 12, 2008 at Goshen Baptist, the ancestral church nestled amongst the rolling hills of the Salacoa Valley. Once again, more than 100 hungry kinfolks made the annual pilgrimage to run the gauntlet of food-heavy 8 foot tables in the fellowship hall. Two straight years in three digit attendance probably means the word is finally getting around that there’s a load of free food to be had for just taking the trouble to show up. As usual, the fare offered did not disappoint.
Come round
about 1 p.m., the annual sideshow known as the family business meeting got
underway, called to order in no uncertain terms by President Anna Lee Moss.
After some misdirected comments that were not recorded here, which is for the
better, John Bennett was asked to offer up a prayer to open the proceedings,
and did a right honorable job, at least as far as we could tell.
The
secretary was called upon to give a pained rendition of the minutes of the last
reunion, which he did with the all the energy and passion of a sack full of
room-temperature French fries. After enduring a withering barrage of
corrections, the minutes were finally approved, but not nearly as they were
read.
The
president took the podium once again and randomly launched into the program,
for whatever reason landing on new business first. After some thoughtful discussion back and
forth on the matter between the pulpit and the assembly, it was finally
determined that the meeting should follow usual and proper decorum, which would
be to begin first with discussion of matters related to old business. Regaining her footing, the president
confidently asked for discussion of matters related to old business. There were none, so we move on to new
business.
New business
always means the building of the lists, and they were as follows:
- Marriages
from the previous year:
- Jonathan
Hasty to Alison Langeler on November 17, 2007.
- Kendall
Jackson married to Barbara Claypool on June 28, 2007.
In a nod
to the spirit of the times, Don Campbell asked if there was anyone
co-habitating without the benefit of matrimony.
There were no takers on that.
Once
again, many in the family were preoccupied with procreation in the previous
year, as another truckload of births was announced. There were:
·
Anastasia Eaton Neves
to Mark and Venessa Neves on January 29.
·
William Tyler Hasty to
…
·
Gage Christopher Stamey
to Sharon Campbell on November 8, 2007
·
Hampton Bradley Cox to
Brad and Amy Bennett Cox, December 7, 2007
·
Skyler Rogers to Brad
and Sarah Rogers on November 11, 2007
·
Brooklyn Reese Rogers
to Kevin and April Rogers August 22, 2008
·
Ian Francis Merritt to
Mark and Heather Merritt, December 2, 2007
In the area of demises, there were thankfully none to
report, which is always good news.
Reunion Meeting Rookies last year were:
- Jimmy and Kylie Parker
- Leon Cox
- Charity Moss, there were some discussion as to the accuracy of that claim
- Gage Stamey, who also turned out to be the youngest among us.
In the category of most seasoned family member, Anna Lee
accused Sarah Sue Cleghorn of being the eldest, but it was in fact Suzie D.
Eaton who clocked in at 94 years. Sarah
wanted it noted that she had many more years to catch up.
The farthest traveled title was retained by Sonny Collins
for an unprecedented second consecutive year.
Nobody seemed that impressed.
As the nation was in the grip of a
heated presidential campaign, so to it was time to shoo out the current crop of
family officers to make way for new officers that would help guide the family
in new, bold directions over the next two years, or at least show up to the
next meeting. So Anna Lee, eager to pass
the metaphorical gavel, launched right in, but wisely chose to take up the
annual collection for the family treasury first, lest anyone hold out based on
the results of the impending election.
So the
circus began with nominations for president.
After Terrance McFarland quickly declined his nomination, Anna Lee,
immediately nominated her sister, Janet Mueller, in an attempt to keep the
presidency female for another two years.
Not entirely buying in, Janet nominated her husband, David, who
acquiesced because it was probably the best way to stay out of trouble. After a vote of the assembly David Mueller
was elected almost unanimously, the only vote against being that of the
candidate himself.
With the
whole process already starting to lose steam, the current Vice President, Greg
Collins, was nominated for the same office, as it seemed the easiest way to get
to the end of the meeting. After a vote
of the assembly he was elected almost unanimously, the only vote against being
that of the candidate himself.
Wayne
Collins, not paying attention, agreed to retain the post of Secretary/Treasurer
again, but only on the condition that his wife be relieved of the office of
reunion organizer, as the house was simply overrun with plastic silverware and
cups that needed a better home.
Thus, the
office of Reunion Organizer was created and Janet Mueller, for better or worse,
was tossed squarely into that lion’s den.
Just as the
family was getting antsy to get on with their day, Ann Merritt decided to start
a debate about continuing the pre-reunion Saturday night tradition, which
involved the early-bird special at William’s Brothers Barbeque in Canton. Lest the debate get out of hand and the whole
thing blow up into a congressional town hall meeting, the president called for
a quick vote. Ultimately the vote was
against change, and barbeque carried the day.
Then, after
a resounding verse of “Blest be the Tie”, the 74th annual reunion
was adjourned.
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